How To Survive Mother’s Day When She Is No Longer Here

Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching, and as usual, we are bombarded with advertisements for all kinds of gift ideas for Mom. The malls are packed with people trying to find the perfect present to put a smile on Mom’s face. Restaurants are filled to capacity with families celebrating with their beloved matriarch. However, some don’t have that opportunity because their mom is no longer with them. 

Mother’s Day is when we pay homage to our mothers for all their love, care, sacrifices, and all they have done for us throughout our lives. However, the day can be extremely agonizing for those who have lost their moms. It’s a painful reminder of their loss and the void their mother’s passing left behind. The day can trigger feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and grief. I, for one, can totally relate. My mom passed away sixteen and a half years ago, and it is the most heart-wrenching experience I have ever had. For a long time, just getting through the day was difficult, let alone celebrating holidays. However, the sting of Mother’s Day hurt the most; It was like throwing salt on an open, gaping wound in my heart that no surgeon could repair.

Losing your mother is something you will never get over, but eventually, I got to a space where I could get through Mother’s Day without totally breaking down inside. It definitely wasn’t easy and didn’t happen overnight. It still hurts, but the blow isn’t as severe. 

How To Survive Mother’s Day When She Is No Longer Here

For those who have lost their mothers, Mother’s Day can be a difficult occasion. It’s  supposed to be a joyous holiday intended to honor the love and bond between a mother and child. However, it can be excruciating for someone whose mom has passed on. It’s important to recognize how tough it is to celebrate Mother’s Day without your mother and understand that it’s okay to experience a variety of emotions, such as sadness, anger, and guilt.

Taking care of yourself and prioritizing your needs during this difficult time is crucial, as grieving can be draining. Give yourself time and space to process your feelings, even if that means taking a pause from your usual obligations or routine.

Even though it may be challenging to celebrate Mother’s Day without your mother, it’s still important to honor her. Everyone’s version of this will be different, but some ideas include creating a memorial or tribute, going to a special place that makes you think of her, or engaging in something she loved to do. On this day, remembering your mother might help you feel closer to her and her memory, which can provide comfort at this difficult time.

If you’re struggling with the concept of spending Mother’s Day without your mother, you’re not alone. Here are some ideas for surviving Mother’s Day when she is no longer here:

Acknowledge your feelings.

Acknowledging your feelings is the first step in navigating through Mother’s Day without your mother. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and guilt. Give yourself permission to grieve and express your feelings without shame or judgment. Let it all out. Recognize what triggers intensify your grief, such as seeing other people with their mothers through pictures on social media or at places like restaurants.  

Plan ahead

To prevent unexpected triggers on Mother’s Day, make a plan in advance. Determine whether you want to spend the day with loved ones who understand your grief or if you would prefer to keep to yourself. Schedule some time to engage in an activity you enjoy that helps you to unwind, such as going to a spa or watching your favorite TV show.

Reflect on memories and your mother’s legacy.

Another way to make Mother’s Day more bearable is to think about the special memories you have of your mother. Take a moment to reflect on the fun times you had with her. Think about the moments you laughed together and your love for one another. Look at old pictures and memorabilia that bring her to mind. Celebrate the love and happiness she brought into your life. Consider the impact that she has had on you, and think about the legacy she has left behind and how you can continue it.

For me, remembering the good times I had with my Mom instead of further mourning over the fact she is gone has helped me so much. I can sit back and fondly reminisce about the moments we shared, the jewels of wisdom she gave me, the encouraging words, and just her simply loving and understanding me. Also, I like to reflect on some of her antics, which are nothing short of hilarious, and those tears of sorrow quickly turn into tears from laughter.

Create a memorial or tribute.

A heartfelt way to honor your mother on Mother’s Day is to create a memorial or tribute in her memory. You can make a memorial video or create a scrapbook or photo album. Visit her favorite spot or a place that reminds you of her. Release balloons or light a candle in her honor.        

Do something special to honor your mother’s memory.

Finding a way to celebrate your mother’s memory on Mother’s Day can help you feel more connected to her. You can light a candle or bring flowers to her grave. Express your emotions and memories of your Mom by writing a letter or poem. Do something your mother enjoyed, such as watching her favorite movie or cooking a dish she loved. Volunteer for a cause she was passionate about or make a donation to a charity in her name. Also, you could plant a tree in her memory. 

Think about starting a new tradition in your mother’s honor, such as hosting a dinner in her memory or taking a yearly trip to a location she loved or always wanted to visit.

The thing is, everyone grieves in their own way, so the important thing is to pay tribute to your mother in a manner that works best for you. Do what feels right and most genuine to you and your relationship with your mother.

Surround yourself with family, friends, and others who loved your mother.

You may feel less alone on Mother’s Day if you spend time with family and friends who knew your mother. Exchange pictures of your Mom and share stories with one another. Create a memory jar with notes from loved ones, or write letters to your mother.

Connect with others.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends or family who have also lost their mothers. It might be comforting to share your emotions and memories with those who can relate. Connecting with others who have endured a similar loss can help you deal with your grief. Consider joining a support group, an online community, or a forum for people who have lost their mothers. Also, you may participate in a local ceremony that honors mothers who have passed on.

Practice self-care.

Self-care is a practice we should implement on a regular basis. However, on this particular day, it’s imperative to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. So be sure you are well rested, eating healthy, balanced meals, and moving your body. Soothing self-care activities such as meditation,a warm bath, or getting a massage can help you feel relaxed, calm, refreshed, and rejuvenated. 

Also, allow yourself to take a break from social media or other activities that may upset you during this time. Newsfeeds and timelines rampant with Happy Mother’s Day posts, brunches, and lunches where people celebrate with their mothers are a cesspool for triggering emotions. Spend some time alone if necessary, but also try to reach out to others who can offer support and comfort.

Opt out of emails.

If you’re feeling drained by the abundance of Mother’s Day promotional emails in your inbox, opting out of these messages can be just what the doctor ordered. 

An influx of Mother’s Day emails can be a painful reminder for someone whose mother has passed on. Not to mention that some of these messages can be demanding, sarcastic, or downright insensitive. For example, I received an email from a retailer that sent a message with ‘We called your mom’ in the subject line. My first thought was, “Have they ever considered that maybe for some of us, that isn’t possible because our mothers are no longer with us?

 However, many companies are empathetic to those who have lost their mothers and are giving you the option to opt out of the Mother’s Day advertising emails should you wish to do so. Also, you can take these additional steps to stop receiving Mother’s Day emails:

• Unsubscribe from promotional emails.
• Use filters.
• Update your email preferences.
• Take a break from checking your email. 

Free yourself from guilt. 

Mother’s Day has a way of spotlighting the relationship flaws between parent and child, which can trigger feelings of guilt and shame. This especially can be the case if your mother died in recent years.

Maybe you guys didn’t have the best relationship, or there was something she wanted specifically you to do, and you never followed through. Now she’s gone, and you’re riddled with guilt and wish you could turn back the hands of time. The last thing you want to do is place blame on yourself, especially on Mother’s Day. Inflicting harsh self-criticism during this time will only make you feel even more miserable.

Guilt is a common emotion that frequently comes along with grief, which can be particularly difficult to let go of. It’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of guilt as opposed to ignoring them or pushing them away. It’s normal to experience regret over things you wish you could have done differently or said to your mother before she died. Let yourself experience your emotions objectively and without shame.

Learning to forgive yourself is key to letting go of guilt. Even though this process can be challenging, remember that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Also, it’s important to keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to forgive yourself and accept responsibility for any shortcomings you may acknowledge.

Avoid self-destructive behavior. 

Mother’s Day is an agonizing reminder that your mother is gone, but the last thing you want to do is self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Sure, a few drinks might temporarily help you escape the heartache, anguish, and despair. However, once that high wears off, the pain you were trying to suppress will not only resurface but will also be magnified.

Talk with someone. 

Losing a mother can be a painful experience, and Mother’s Day often triggers a variety of emotions and memories. It can be helpful to talk to someone about your feelings.

Reach out to a friend or family member you trust who is willing to be a sounding board and will allow you to express yourself without passing judgment. It would be helpful to select someone close to your mother as they may have more insight into your situation.

You can also talk with a therapist. They can help you process your feelings and give you tools to deal with the grief you may experience on Mother’s Day. Also, they can offer you a safe, neutral judgment-free zone to express your emotions.

Show appreciation for the things that would bring her joy. 

More than anything, our parents want what is best for us. Mother’s Day is the perfect opportunity to reflect on everything you have going on in your life that would make her so proud of you. Let’s say you bought a new house or are killing it in your career. Maybe you married the most wonderful human being or raised well-adjusted children. Perhaps, you finally overcame something that was holding you back from progressing. Knowing that your mom would be pleased with the decisions you made for your life will comfort you and bring you peace.

Acknowledge the things that you need to change. 

Just like how your mother would be happy that you are living your best life, imagine how she would feel if she knew that you were settling for less and living an unfulfilling life. For example, do you think she would be pleased if she knew you stayed in a toxic relationship or if you didn’t take care of yourself? Or if you stayed at a job that didn’t value your contributions and always passed you over for promotions? This is a time to self-reflect and fix the things that are not conducive to your growth and well-being. Knowing that your Mom would want the best for you may encourage you to make the necessary adjustments.

Celebrate the other moms in your life.

Mother’s Day is a special occasion for honoring and celebrating all the mother figures in our lives. Even though it can be challenging to observe the holiday when your own mother is no longer with you, it is important to acknowledge and show appreciation to the other moms in your life, including aunts, older sisters, step-mothers, mothers-in-law, neighbors, friends, and other mother-like figures in your life who you love and admire.

Don’t feel obligated to make plans or do anything big.

Mother’s Day is a difficult time for those who lost their mothers. Adding pressure to do something can make an already unbearable situation even worse. It’s important to remember that it’s perfectly okay not to want to celebrate the day if you don’t feel up to it. It’s totally fine if you prefer to spend the day alone or with a select group of close friends or family members. You’re not obligated to do anything elaborate if you’re not interested.

Set boundaries

If you don’t feel comfortable celebrating Mother’s Day or spending time with your relatives, setting boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being is acceptable. Make it clear that you’d don’t want to do anything for Mother’s Day and respectfully communicate your needs.

Treat yourself

Although Mother’s Day can be a sad occasion when she is no longer with you, consider doing something nice for yourself to lift your spirits. You can treat yourself by: 

• Scheduling a spa day
• Taking a trip 
• Getting a manicure and pedicure
• Getting your hair done
• Buy yourself something nice.
• Order food from your favorite restaurant
• Indulge in some delicious pastries from a bakery

Show gratitude

When your mother is no longer with you, it’s normal to experience a range of emotions and miss her presence, especially on Mother’s Day. Although your mother may not be present in the physical sense, express gratitude for all she did for you and the impact she had on your life. Write a letter or poem showing your appreciation for her love, support, and guidance.

Final Thoughts 

Remember, it’s okay to be sad on Mother’s Day if your mother has transitioned. Don’t pretend to be happy when you feel otherwise. Give yourself permission to experience your feelings and grieve; you are entitled to feel whatever emotions may arise. Be gentle with yourself regardless of what you are feeling. Remember, it takes time to heal from grief and sorrow. With patience and a little faith, you will get through this. It won’t happen overnight, but your heart will eventually recover from the despair you are feeling. 

Being without your mother on Mother’s Day can be quite difficult, considering the heartbreaking experience of losing her. Keep in mind that grieving is a natural process, and during this time, it’s crucial to look after yourself. Recognize that although it is challenging to celebrate Mother’s Day without your mother, it’s important to pay tribute to her. Think about how you can continue your mother’s legacy and keep her memories alive for you and your loved ones. Remind yourself that it’s acceptable to feel sorrow and support is there should you need it. Even though your mother is gone, her spirit still remains, and she lives within you.

Sending love and light, my condolences, and deepest sympathy to those who have lost their mothers. 

Until next time,

Thank you for reading.

Yours Truly,

Tracy