Why Putting Yourself First is Necessary For Your Well-Being

Putting yourself first is an essential part of self-care and self-love, yet many people struggle to do it. Maybe it’s because they feel guilty, or perhaps they think it is selfish.

I first heard of the concept of putting yourself first through an acquaintance. I was a few months shy of turning eighteen at the time, and she was a few years older than me. We were talking about life, children, and relationships, and it was refreshing to get input on certain topics from someone who had more experience.

However, during our conversation, she mentioned it was important to put ourselves first. I was confused as to why she would say that, because I thought it was inconsiderate to put yourself ahead of others. In fact, later that day, I asked my father if people were supposed to put themselves first, and he said, “No, that’s being selfish.”

I didn’t take my friend’s advice, but her words stayed with me. As I got older, this thing of putting the needs and interests of others before my own got out of hand until I became overwhelmed, exhausted, frazzled, and stressed out. After some self-reflection, I realized that constantly putting my needs on the back burner wasn’t working for me.  As I decided to focus on myself, I thought back to what my friend said, and I finally understood what she meant about putting yourself first.

What Does It Really Mean To Put Yourself First? 

Putting yourself first means making it a priority to nurture your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. It also means taking care of yourself so that you have the energy and mental capacity to support others when they need it. Self-prioritization means treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you so easily extend to others. Putting yourself first is one of the greatest acts of self-care that you can give yourself.

Related: Self-Care Defined: What Is Self-Care and Why Is It Important?

Why Is It Important To Put Yourself First?

Before you can think of putting yourself first, it’s important to acknowledge why it matters. Recognizing the signs of burnout, stress, and emotional exhaustion is the first step. Neglecting your well-being could lead to depleted physical health, strained relationships, and an adverse effect on your quality of life.

Some of the challenges that come with putting yourself first are overcoming cultural norms, societal expectations, and feelings of guilt. Many of us have been conditioned to put the needs of others ahead of our own, which more often than not results in a cycle of self-neglect. 

Is Putting Yourself First Selfish?

When many people think of putting themselves first, usually what comes to mind is that it’s selfish. I mean, how can you even entertain the notion of putting yourself before others when you have a family and children to care for and work obligations?

That’s a narrative that we’ve been socialized to believe. However, associating taking care of yourself with being selfish is harmful.  We tend to prioritize the needs, interests, and desires of our loved ones only because we want the best for them; we care about their happiness and want them to feel understood. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself the same treatment as well. Actually, we should try to encourage that mindset towards ourselves instead of constantly applying it to others.

Maybe the misconception of prioritizing yourself as selfish exists because many people feel that they have to place themselves lower on the totem pole to show love to others. But what ends up happening is that we let our resentments build, become frustrated, and suppress our feelings, which only hurts ourselves and those around us.

It’s important to understand that putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being.

What Putting Yourself Isn’t

We talked about what it means to put yourself first. Here is what it doesn’t mean:

• Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you only care about yourself.
• It doesn’t mean that you don’t have any consideration for others.
• Prioritizing yourself is not about manipulating others into putting your needs ahead of their own.
• It isn’t about being irresponsible or reckless.
• Putting yourself first doesn’t mean doing whatever you want whenever you choose to.
• It doesn’t mean you come first all of the time.
• Making yourself a priority isn’t taking advantage of others.
• It doesn’t mean mistreating or putting others down.
• Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you are better than anyone.
• It isn’t about having a sense of entitlement, and that the rules don’t apply to you.

Reasons You Should Make Yourself A Priority

In order to be and give your best, you have to prioritize yourself. Let’s explore some of the reasons why you should do so and how it can benefit you.

The people around you will benefit. 

You do realize how much you want what’s best for the people in your life, right? Well, guess what, they also want the same for you. When your needs are prioritized, imagine how much better you feel and your relationships will be when you are physically, mentally, and emotionally at your best self. Also, when you encourage your loved ones to put themselves first, things will improve even more. When you don’t nurture yourself, you become irritated and take it out on your loved ones. Taking care of yourself also means taking care of others.

You’ll avoid burnout. 

When you’re overworked, overstressed, and on the verge of burnout, everything seems like a chore. Meeting up with a friend or even sitting down for a moment’s break may seem too daunting. Activities you usually enjoy now seem like too much work because you’re feeling fatigued. You can’t give your all and fuel it with positive energy when your tank is empty.

When you’re experiencing burnout, serotonin is depleted, and without those happy hormones, it feels like a challenge to push on. Your brain chemistry starts to work against you, literally robbing you of your joy. Sometimes you just have to say “no” to avoid burnout, even if you’re declining something that seems fun.

The body needs rest.

Getting enough rest and taking some time out to unwind should be prioritized. Although getting some R&R may seem like a luxury, it truly isn’t. Actually, it’s a necessity. It’s so important for you to learn how to relax, especially when you have a to-do list that never seems to end. So when we finally get some downtime, we realize that in order to enjoy it, we may have to say “no”.

However, constantly saying “no” may cause friction, and as people pleasers, we only want to maintain the peace. It’s just easier to say “yes”. Unfortunately, that will lead to burnout.  If you don’t get enough rest, your body will go into survival mode. Your cortisol (stress hormones) levels will rise if you don’t get enough sleep, which will only make it worse. Every part of your body suffers when one part is overworked because your brain will have no choice but to resort to bringing in reinforcements from other areas.

Overextending yourself causes stress. 

Don’t underestimate how fatigue, stress, and anxiety can take a toll on your body. Stress should be viewed as an alarm system. It’s warning you that you’re walking on thin ice. Stress is your body’s fight-or-flight response, preparing you for a challenge by gathering resources that will enable you to survive it.

Stress is a good thing when your life is at stake. However, your body overworks itself when you constantly experience chronic stress and anxiety. The domino effect this causes drains resources from other parts of your body, wears you out, and makes you more susceptible to illness.

Overextending yourself causes an energy imbalance.

Overextending yourself creates an energy imbalance because you’re spreading your time, attention, and resources too thin. When you’re always putting the needs of others above your own, you deplete your physical, emotional, and mental reserves. This leaves you feeling drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

Without allowing yourself time to recharge, your energy becomes scattered and ungrounded, making it difficult to focus, manage stress, and maintain a sense of well-being. Essentially, you’re biting off more than you can chew, leading to burnout and a major drop in your overall vitality. Balancing your energy first helps to restore equilibrium and prevent depletion.

When you constantly prioritize the needs of others over your own, you’ll start to feel an uneven exchange of energy. If you’re always giving of yourself without reciprocity, eventually you’ll feel drained, used, and resentful. Here it is, others are running on a full tank thanks to you, but your exhaust light is on from giving away too much fuel. Although it’s admirable to help others,  just ensure that you’re nurturing yourself as well and cultivating a balance between give and take.

Putting yourself first helps you to maintain emotional balance.

When you overextend yourself, it causes an emotional imbalance. If you’re upset and stressed, your energy shifts, and others will notice as well.

Studies show that we can sense the emotions of others. It has been said that animals, young children, and even babies can pick up on the energy in their environments. Also, anxious owners tend to have anxious pets. So, just as others can tell when you’re happy, they’re also aware of your anger and frustration. Your emotions don’t have to be intense for others to absorb them. For instance, you can tell your boss is upset when you walk into the office in the morning. This is similar to how anxious parents can pass on that same anxiety to their children.

Learning how to manage your stress, which requires putting yourself first, is the best thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones. Get to know your body’s signals and listen to what it’s trying to tell you.

No one can take care of you like you.

It is often said that no one can take better care of you than you, and no truer words have been spoken. It’s a powerful reminder that ultimately, you are your best advocate and caretaker. Although you may receive support from others, it is you who only truly recognizes your needs and desires. By putting yourself first, you have agency over your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, ensuring you’re functioning as your best self.

When you make self-care a priority, you cultivate the strength, resilience, and energy necessary to show up for yourself and others in a meaningful, genuine, and balanced way. No one else can truly understand or meet your needs, so it’s important that you honor them and take care of yourself.

How To Put Yourself First

When you make yourself a priority, you have more time, energy, freedom, and happiness, and you can truly live your best life. If you want to know how you can put yourself first, here are some tips that you can implement from the list below:

Self-awareness and reflection.

The first step to self-prioritization is evaluating your needs, desires, and boundaries. Assess whether you have a balanced life and are truly satisfied with it. Self-awareness can serve as a catalyst toward making positive changes.  

Setting and enforcing clear personal boundaries.

Boundaries are similar to fences that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Define what you will and won’t accept in your relationships, whether business, personal, or romantic. Assertively and respectfully communicate what these boundaries are.

Boundaries are essential. However, it’s up to you to establish and enforce them. Teach people how to treat you, and inform those around you that you have boundaries and you won’t tolerate them being crossed. Don’t give up if things don’t work out right away; it may take some time. Be mindful that this is a change for them as well, and it might be a while for them to take heed and adjust to your new demands.

Be Assertive

Do you honestly believe that others are aware of what you’re thinking or feeling? You simply assume they already know of your needs and desires. Unless they are a mind reader, you need to become more assertive and improve your communication skills. You have to let people know what you need or want from them and how they can help you accomplish that.

Stop people pleasing.

Do you try to please everyone at your own expense? If so, it’s important to learn how to say no. Don’t allow people to guilt-trip you into doing their bidding, and stand your ground whenever necessary.  

Take some “me” time.

Learn to say no to excessive commitments that deplete your energy. Set aside time for self-care activities, hobbies, and relaxation.

You schedule everything else in your life, so why wouldn’t you make room for yourself in your calendar? Starting with just a few minutes is a great way to get things going. Take ten minutes out of your day to engage in an activity that will help you feel more energized. Consider it a non-negotiable and treat it like an important appointment or interview that you must keep. Prioritize your well-being just as you would any other task.        

Cut off or limit your interactions with toxic people and energy vampires.

Few things can dampen your mood and deplete your energy more than toxic people. These relationships can be harmful to your well-being. If you have any of these types of people in your life, try to express how their actions make you feel. However, if there are no changes in their behavior, the best course of action may be to limit interaction or cut ties altogether, regardless of their connection to you. In cases of extreme abuse, whether emotionally, mentally, physically, or psychologically, if you can safely do so, exit stage left.

It gets tricky if the person is related to you; the situation becomes more difficult to navigate. But just because they’re blood doesn’t mean you should allow them to project their negativity onto you.

Understand that people are individual living beings, not extensions of you or projects for you to try to fix. So instead of attempting to change them, adjust your level of interaction accordingly, and aim to limit your exposure to them.

Implement a healthy lifestyle.

A huge part of putting yourself first is prioritizing your health. Getting enough sleep, exercising, following a healthy diet, and meditating should be incorporated into your daily routine. These practices are essential to maintaining a balanced mind, body, and spirit.

Just consider how much better you’ll feel when you get a good night’s sleep, eat well, and work out. However, when you don’t take the time to do those things, it takes its toll on your mind and body. You’ll feel irritable and become impatient, and you may take your frustrations out on the people you care about.

Related: How To Live a Healthy Lifestyle This Year

Prioritize self-care.

Self-care is more than just pampering yourself with spa days and splurging on luxury items; it’s the intentional act of nurturing your physical, mental, and emotional health.  Engaging in activities that you enjoy brings relaxation and supports your overall well-being.

Engage in healthy relationships.

Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who uplift and pour into you. Identify toxic relationships and, if possible, distance yourself from them. Nurture and cultivate connections that contribute positively to your life.

Set goals and aim for personal growth.

Set short-term and long-term goals that coincide with your aspirations and passions. Invest in continuous personal development by expanding your skillset, exploring new hobbies, and embracing opportunities for self-improvement.

Ask for help.

With work, business, and family obligations, the list of responsibilities seems never-ending, and somehow we feel compelled to do it all. However, sometimes that isn’t possible to do so, nor is it feasible. Trying to do everything all the time can lead to burnout. The only solution is to ask for help.

Sometimes we feel uncomfortable asking for assistance, especially if we think others have their plates full as well. Also, we don’t want to feel like a burden. But asking for help is key to prioritizing your needs. Consider delegating some of your work tasks to your assistant, provided they have the skillset to do so and their workload isn’t heavy. Also, inquire with your supervisor about hiring additional help.

Ask your significant other to pitch in with the household duties. Hiring a cleaning or housekeeping service is another option, especially if both you and your partner work and can afford it. If your children are old enough and are able, have them help as well. Also, you can give them an allowance for doing chores around the house.

Even the little ones can do their part, provided they have the ability. If they can take their toys out of the toybox to play with them, they can certainly put them back in.

Listen to yourself.

Listening to yourself is an important part of putting yourself first. Trust your inner voice if it tells you that you may be in over your head. If you feel exhausted and get aches, pains, and migraines, and your body is telling you to slow down, listen to it.

Pay attention to your emotional state as well, especially if you’re feeling anxious, stressed, depressed, angry, or experiencing other negative emotions. These are signs that you need to prioritize your well-being before things get critical.

Allow yourself time to recharge.

Hustle culture tells us that if we want those coins, we must grind 24/7, and resting is for the lazy and unmotivated. However, it’s important to slow down, take a break, and recharge.

Would you leave the house without charging your phone?  Probably not, but imagine if you did and went hiking and your phone is on 20 percent. After a couple of hours, you get lost, and it’s starting to get dark. You try to make a phone call, and what do you know, the battery is dead. Good thing it didn’t take long for you to find your way back and get home. After this incident, you promise you’ll never leave your house again without charging your phone, especially if you’re going hiking or on a similar expedition.

The point I’m trying to make is that you don’t want to wait until your body crashes and burns before deciding to replenish it. Visualize that your body has a battery that needs to be charged physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Taking time to recharge can look like taking a much-needed vacation, going to the movies, or getting a massage. Also, it could be streaming your favorite TV shows, getting your hair done, listening to music, engaging in a hobby, or other enjoyable and relaxing activities. Recharging yourself can even be something as simple as taking a nap or getting a good night’s sleep.

Try not to equate recharging to being a slouch, sloth, or idle. Think of it as a reset button. You’ll feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the world with enthusiasm and vigor.

Overcoming Challenges Of Putting Yourself First

Although putting yourself first is essential for your well-being, it’s easier said than done. Prioritizing yourself does come with its challenges, including:

Addressing fear and resistance.

Fear of judgment and resistance to change are common obstacles you may encounter with putting yourself first. Remember that your well-being matters, and making positive changes usually requires you to step out of your comfort zone.

Dealing with external pressure and expectations.

External pressure from family, friends, work-related connections, and societal expectations can make self-prioritization challenging. Embrace assertiveness when communicating your needs, and remember, your happiness is worth standing your ground for.

Remaining Consistent In Putting Yourself First

Putting yourself first shouldn’t be a once-in-a-lifetime event or something you do when things spiral out of control. Making yourself a priority is a practice that should be done on a regular basis. If you want to maintain consistency in putting yourself first, here are some ways to accomplish that:

Establishing a self-care routine.

Create a consistent self-care regimen that includes activities you enjoy, promotes relaxation, and contributes to a holistic lifestyle. A well-structured routine can help anchor well-being practices. You can adapt your routine as circumstances change.

Monitor progress and make adjustments.

Regularly check your progress in prioritizing yourself. If certain strategies aren’t giving you the results you desire, make adjustments as necessary and try a different approach.

Enlist an accountability partner.

If you, like many of us, have been socialized to prioritize the needs of others, initially, you may struggle with the concept of putting yourself first. But if you’re at a point where things are spiraling out of control, you may need to recruit some help with practicing the art of saying “no”.

Team up with someone who will hold you accountable. It could be someone who also has difficulty setting boundaries. You can support one another and keep each other on track. Also, enlisting the help of a loved one who has no problem with saying “no” is a great option. Actually, you can learn a few tips from them. A good therapist or life coach can provide tools and strategies to help you with self-prioritization and boundary setting. They can also check your progress.

Remember what you want to accomplish.

Thinking about what you want to gain by saying “no” can make it easier to do so. For example, turning down overtime at work (if it’s not required) gives you time to spend with loved ones. When your friend calls in the middle of the night to vent about their partner for the 100,000th time, it’s okay to ignore the call to get a good night’s sleep.

Establishing a limit on the maximum client monthly intake for your business enables you to enroll in that yoga class you’ve always wanted to take. Declining an invite to an event that doesn’t align with your values in favor of spending time with genuine connections is better for your self-esteem.

You get the point. Although it’s admirable to lend a helping hand or be a listening ear, it’s important to cultivate a balance. There’s nothing wrong with saying no every once in a while, so that you can say yes to yourself.

Final Thoughts 

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s a basic act of self-care that promotes a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lifestyle. By recognizing the importance of making yourself a priority, you lay the foundation of self-awareness, cultivate balance, and set healthy boundaries.

Incorporating self-care practices and applying personal development into your daily routine can transform your life, and you become a better version of yourself. You deserve the same care, attention, and compassion you would easily extend to others, and embracing self-prioritization is a major step toward creating a more holistic and joyful life.

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